I don’t know about you, but some days my mind can’t stop. It’s like a spinning wheel that doesn’t know how, or when, to even pause. I came across an old journal entry that made me think. So today, l thought I’d inquire into my mind’s behavior again. As you’ll see below, I found that my mind is still doing many of the same old things. You too might want to look at what your mind is doing.
Lately, my mind is driving me crazy. It’s running non-stop, like ticker tape on Wall Street. My mind has manyvoices, many characters, each of whom are doing their own thing. My preferring mind considers this over that. I can see that this is all just a bunch of things that I’ve learned over time. (This makes me recall a cartoon I once saw; a cartoon character was asked, “What makes you happy?” It replied, “When everything is going my way—it’s not raining, I catch my flight, my report is done, and everything is perfect.” When his cartoon companion was asked the same question, it said, “I’m just happy when there’s a slice of pizza left in the box.”) I notice how my own preferences influence my day. I also see that my judging mind is hard at work, telling me its own version of what is right or wrong. (I think that my neutrality meter is broken right now.)
OK, OK, I’m going to slow down and experiment. I sit quietly and watch. I’m really going to see what my mind is up to now. I’m going to say in the present, in the “now” moment, like the books say. Oh no, every few seconds I see that my mind wanders off. I think about the eggs I had for breakfast. Up pops my “to do” list. Plus, I see how my mind jets off into the past, the future, or even fantasy. My mind is trying to change where I am. What about the now? This “now moment” is slippery; it’s not easy.
I stop. I empty my mind; but it still won’t be quiet. It just keeps producing content, even when I don’t want it to. It chatters and wanders and analyses and judges and prefers. It is constantly running an inner dialogue, a never-ending commentary of what’s going on, and I’m paying attention to it! One tiny little thought, and that one thought branches out into an entire story. I’m about ready to give up.
Wait, something just shifted. My guides are here. They say, “Take all this surface mind-stuff into your heart. Dive deep; there you will find your true intelligence.” I bring all this mind-stuff into my heart. From here I can see how my smaller, limited, mind is housed within a more expanded intelligent Self. I can see how my smaller mind has helped me on my journey—by bringing up images, feelings, and beliefs to be examined. Now, on a higher/deeper level, it is giving me examples of how I am resisting the full potential of my higher self. This is a good lesson. Think I’ll quit now and go out for a walk.