I continue to work on my book, which is compiled from journal entries over the last three decades. Here’s an entry that I wrote years ago.
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Still working with my ego personality. I would like to become more friendly toward my ego self. So, I decided to take my ego to tea. Here is our dialogue:
Me: Please, come in and have some tea. I’ve been watching you lately in a more deep and subtle way. So, I thought we could have a chat. I would like to get to know you better.
Ego: Don’t know about the deep part. I’m a pretty superficial guy. Me: Yes, but I just want to ask how your job’s been going.
Ego: Well, I must say that it’s becoming more difficult. I’ve been working hard all these years to keep you solid, and to reconstruct you again and again and again.
Me: And why is that?
Ego: Because it’s my job. Don’t you get it! I need to keep you in my box. I need to keep you under my spell. And now that you’ve asked, I do have something to say. It used to be so easy; you had no idea that I was ever here. Now you are seeing lobsters and having all these subtle experiences and learning about all this spiritual crap. It’s enough to drive me crazy. I used to be able to get you to latch onto everything I did. Now, even when I send in a flotilla of thoughts, emotions, sensations, history, karma, conditioning—the works—you still don’t believe me sometimes. This is a drag. It’s tiring. And I’m getting fed up.
Me: I see. Oh, wait, suddenly in this moment something is morphing—it’s Being, Consciousness, interacting with itself. There is no separate you.
My ego decomposes, disintegrates, and disappears. This is simply another arising form of awareness.
Ego: See, this is exactly what I hate. And I’m quite nervous. I’m supposed to be the one in control, dominating, in charge. I’m getting tired and worn out. Maybe I need rehabilitation, or job training, or something like that. How can I come up in a more functional way?
Me: Let’s talk. More tea?
Ego: Yes, please.