Core Wound #1: Repression

Closeup of male face with stuffed animals in background.
“Repressed Memories” by FotoGrazio | CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

In the Six Core Wounds blog post series, this is #1.

Repression is the primary wound of humanity. Repression is the way in which our life-force energy gets held back or kept in check. We humans have a physical tension that may, or may not, be felt on a conscious level, but no one escapes this underlying tension. It resides in our DNA. (Just try spending some time doing nothing for a while, and you will feel this unrest.)

The Shadow of Repression is based on Exhaustion, which occurs because of all the karma we have stored in our physical body. (See Gene Key #40 in Richard Rudd’s book The Gene Keys: Embracing Your Higher Purpose.) We have layers and layers of old wounds that are hidden in our DNA. These karmic wounds come from our ancestors and from the millions and millions of humans who have come before us. These layers of karma conceal the higher, more subtle, layers of perception we humans have available to us. They pull our awareness down into the lower Shadow dimensions. This is where our energy gets stifled, inhibited, stuck. This is energy that is yet to be released and remains unfulfilled inside us.

The wound of repression has a lot to do with how we use our energy. Many of us try to force life to be the way we want it. We push and pull ourselves. We try to power through life using the strength of our will. We’ve all heard expressions such as, “If you really want something enough, you can make it happen.” “Just man up, or woman up!” But in reality, this inner pressure requires us to use up lots of our vital life-energy. This often leads to issues of digestion as the physiology of this wound is based in the stomach. Rudd tells us that failure to acknowledge the wound underlying deep human tension drives it further into the body where it “gradually becomes more and more acidic, eating way at us” (Rudd, page 313). The use of force causes distress and disease.

This is what happened to me when I pushed myself too hard. I forcefully set out to do things that I didn’t really want to do. I pushed and pushed, soldiered on. I was actually unknowingly exhausted until life brought me to a full stop. Bam. I had carpal tunnel issues and digestive problems. I couldn’t type or poop. I was forced to stop, slow down, and take stock. I spent more time meditating, observing, contemplating, and inquiring. Guess what? I discovered that underneath it all, I had been pushing ahead to satisfy some old ridiculous goals of achievement, self-satisfaction, and wanting to be seen. Anyway, I survived and now am typing this blog post.

The emotional expression of Repression is EXHAUSTION

Man in suit asleep on subway.
“Exhausted Salaryman” by hiromy | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

It takes an enormous amount of energy to repress our inherited karmic pain. Some of us choose to divert our attention. Some of us look for support from the millions of people who want to hide from the truth of how life looks. Some of us cannot stand the high voltage of pain that’s lurking under the surface, so we bury ourselves in activity and thinking. Some of us take our pain out on other people, or project our anger onto the status quo. We sound off, kick up a fuss, fret, and complain. All this forced, contrived, angry energy exhausts us.

As we’ve seen, much of our exhaustion comes from our forced use of effort. When we try to force the Reality of Creation, it takes us away from our higher 5D center. This is because the use of forced effort, or false will, actually overrides the vital energy that naturally wants to flow through us.

So, let’s make a distinction between trying to force life and allowing the force of life to accompany us in what we do. Notice the difference of when you are completely engaged in what you’re doing, and when you are just trying to plow through something that you have to do. Notice the difference in the amount of energy it takes. When we find ourselves happily engaged in our work, it seems effortless. We lose track of time. Our activity doesn’t register as hard work. On the other hand, when we have to make ourselves do something, we struggle, hesitate, and overthink. We are not happy campers.

This is why we want to be able to decrease the Shadows of our wounds. We want to move into our higher frequencies. This is where our lives become very different. We begin to trust in life and allow life to have its way with us. This brings us to the Gift that’s hidden in the Shadow of Exhaustion.

The Gift of Resolve: Surrender to our higher selves

The Gift of Resolve is hidden in our very DNA. Resolve is our natural will to surrender to our higher selves. When we move from Shadow to Gift, we actually make a leap in consciousness. This gives us an expanded use of energy, which is supplied by our inner being, our direct life source. This deeper energy gives us the resolve to make changes in our lives. This is because Gift energy comes from our hearts rather than our heads.

Resolve settles us, softens us, straightens things out. It untangles our low Shadow frequencies. Exhaustion becomes a thing of the past. Life becomes less stressful, we relax.

“Life was never designed to be as hard as we humans make it”

— Richard Rudd (p. 314)

Resolve occurs when natural willpower is built into our activity. When this happens, right from the start, we write, speak, and/or act without force. We are in the flow. When our work is in harmony with our true nature, it is not really work at all. Nothing has to be forced. As soon as we work from our heart, we start to love being alone. We do not suffer from loneliness or isolation. When our life force is aligned with our center, it’s constantly giving birth to more creative energy. Observers may look at us and conclude that we are working extremely hard, but, from our point of view, we are just naturally firing on all cylinders, deeply engaged and productive.

Resolve is more than just a little power or determination. Resolve is about becoming skillful at giving to ourselves! This happens when the Gift frequency rises above our usual, conditioned mind. (This is no small feat for many of us.) Resolve allows us to create personal space for ourselves. We are able to set boundaries that honor and protect our inner space.

Often, upon inspection, we see that our personal boundaries are not really secure. They are not appropriate for the situation at hand. For example, once I was working intently with one individual within a small group, suddenly I lost my own boundaries and slipped completely inside this person. It was as if I had become her. I sensed her entire life history. I could see the obstacles that were getting in her way. I was OK with this development until I realized I could do this with every individual in the group! My usual mind revolted. This newly hatched ability scared the bejesus out of me. (There is a boundary exercise at the end of this post that you can try.)

Resolve does something extraordinary — it actually brings deep physical relaxation to our cells. When we activate our Gift frequency, it allows us to recharge and settle deeply into our physical bodies. We can ground ourselves and feel at ease. We are able to use our energy appropriately. Our resources do not get depleted. We know when to say no and when to journey on. Resolve helps us discover the wonderful balance between serving the world and serving our own enjoyment. We end up giving more time and energy to the greater world.

The Siddhi of the 40th gene key is Divine Will. Siddhis are the highest frequencies that a human being can experience. Divine Will is experienced when the pure energy of direct consciousness takes over. It blows right past DNA. This direct manifestation of Divine Will moves a person into a state of complete physical relaxation. A person at this level finds there is absolutely no separation between humanity and divinity. The rare people who do reach this exalted state have no need to go outside themselves. They have no need for teachers. Actually, they have completely disappeared. Actually, they have no identity. As Rudd explains, “God can only visit you when you’re not there” (Rudd, p. 316).

EXERCISE: Boundary Exploration

Here’s an exercise you can try yourself:

Explore the energy patterns of your personal boundaries. How does your energy flow, or get impinged, in your Physical life, Mental life, Emotional life, and Spiritual life?

In what areas do you have to think or effort? These are the areas that are still tangled up with Shadow energies. 

In which of these areas are your boundaries too restricted, meticulous, tight, rigid, bounded, unmovable? 

In what areas are your boundaries too loose-fitting, vague, insecure, flabby, sloppy?

In what areas do your boundaries just seem to flow naturally? These are the areas that are healthy and naturally supportive; they come from the heart. 

Send me a message and let me know what you find. Everyone is so different.