Threads of abundance and gratitude: For what are you thankful?

"Talking of doorways" , 450x850
“Talking of doorways” by scrappy annie | CC BY-NC 2.0

Most of us are surrounded by strands of life that twist and turn, separate, and come back together woven into a fabric that defines how we live. The threads on which we choose to focus determine how our lives unfold. So many negative things are happening in our world today — division, discontent, gripes, rigid belief systems, mass shootings, inflation, war, and depression.

I wonder, will we get all tied up and live in our little, pre-conceived egoic boxes? Will we choose the abundance to which we knowingly, or unknowingly, are freely given? Will we allow ourselves to fully experience gratitude?

Right up front I need to tell you that this blog was guided. Yes, I did want to learn more about abundance and gratitude, but I hadn’t a clue as to how to go about it. As it turns out, my guides came through with flying colors. First, they said, “Look at what other people say about abundance.”


“Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty.” –Napoleon Hill

“Abundance is not a number or acquisition. It is the simple recognition of enough-ness.” –Alan Cohen

“If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can’t buy.” –Unknown author

Second, my guides told me to take a look at what ancient mystical principles, modern quantum physics, and contemporary spiritual teachers say about abundance. With this in mind, and from my own experience, I brought together the principles of ancient wisdom and the knowings of contemporary teachers. Turns out they all point to the fact that true abundance is already available for each and every human being. This knowledge can be found woven throughout the works of some of our greatest teachers — Thomas Hubl, A.H. Almaas, Dr. Sue Morten, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Craig Hamilton, Matt Kahn, and many others. Each of these teachers assures us that all of what is listed below is readily available to us as human beings.

  • Everything is Energy, including us.
  • We are love. We are already enough.
  • Life is Absolute Truth. We cannot be separated from life because it is what we are.
  • Life supports everything—doorknobs, fish, and us too. Life says “yes” to all.
  • We are free to choose our own inner environment, our own inner reality.
  • In Absolute Wholeness there is no lack, scarcity, wanting or needing.
  • Life energy holds infinite possibilities.
  • We are creatures with the power to create what we desire.
  • Life unfolds in Magical Possibilities.

Some of us still don’t believe this stuff. Dr. Sue tells us that it’s because we haven’t yet experienced the high vibrational frequencies of love:

Nature provides for you everything that you need. There isn’t something outside of you that is necessary for you to have whatever you are looking for… We all have access to all of the materials…and elements…that are necessary to have the things we desire to manifest.

​Others have more practical ideas. An anonymous person said: “The key to abundance is to stop needing more, and to start appreciating what you already have.”

Esther Hicks says: “The fastest way to bring more wonderful examples of abundance into your personal experience is to take constant notice of the wonderful things that are already there.”

Deepak Chopra says: “You must find a place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.”

Next, my guides suggest that I take a good look at gratitude and “make it personal.”

Gratitude wisdom

So, what are we actually grateful for in the midst of our present day lives? I looked at what a few people have said about gratitude.

Michael Bernard Beckwith said: “Gratitude places you in the energy field of plentitude. Glow with gratitude and see how awe and joy will make their home in you.” 

Wayne Dyer s “The universe provides abundantly when you’re in a state of gratefulness…gratitude is a sacred space where you allow, and know, that a force greater than your ego is always at work and always available.”

But this information seemed a bit too lofty. I was at a loss as to what to do next. Then, while meditating, I got the hit, “Do a survey.” Wow, good idea!

Gratitude survey results

Off I went. I sent out email requests to a few readers and friends. Then I asked all kinds of people—on the street, people who were fishing, construction workers, other friends, neighbors, maintenance people, people walking by, immigrants, and people in the grocery store. I asked each person, “With the world as it is today, what are you most grateful for?” Honestly, some responses brought tears to my eyes. I was blown away. What follows is a small sampling of what people said:

I’m grateful for…

Every time I focus on what I am grateful for my heart expands and joy arises

Being born at a time when love is everything, the experience of life, being alive

Water, to drink, cook, wash my great grandson, the rhythmic hum of rain on the roof

My heart softening touched and responsive to life’s prodigious offerings……ahhhh!

Morning tea….hot and sweet, sipped and savored, sunrises and sunsets, stars, and the moon in the night sky

For people walking around asking that question, puts a smile on my face

Just got approved for housing. As a single father of three little ones it will help a lot

The great Isness of the day, this planet, my Honey, and my vegetable garden

My health, the ability to stretch, breathe, make breakfast

Life is so rich, so many blessings, grand and small. My long-term friends, Godiva chocolate, air conditioning

Laughter, small ones, and big belly-hurting ones. Best sound ever.

Living in this country I have life I could not imagine. I think it comes from above

The abundance of colors around me, flowers in gardens, dyes in clothes, the crystal window globe on sunny days, colors in my paint box

Me good. Day good. My dog good.

Deep talks, silent sharing, boundaries blur, oneness stirs an old memory, returning HOME to love, in love, as love, as all…..ummm!

My loving partner, a warm blanket, a wiggling puppy

Everything! Everything! Putting in cement here, changing a lightbulb there, it all adds

A morning breeze, a gentle rain, a puddle in which to step, a home that shelters me and keeps me warm.

A body that works, health, hope, survival, second chances

Smiles, love, quantum physics, emotions good and bad, my ability to be generous

My faith in god, love, and life

My friends and family, especially the ones I can share intimately with, being with my grandkids

The sun in early morning, the water rippling as fish come towards me on the bridge

My sister, trees. Now that I think about it, I’m going to make a list like I’ve read about

In closing, it turns out that we are indeed thankful for it all, even, or especially in the midst of this troubled world. So, I’ll leave you with this question: With the world as it is today, what are you most grateful for?

Be as a child again (grandmother and boy)

Boy smells flowers

The picture above tells a truth about who we really are. Each of us was born with the loving frequency of joy, openness, and curiosity. Just watch a young child and you will see. The story that follows reveals the existence of this loving quantum frequency that each of us experienced as openhearted children. The disruption of this frequency came as we developed our limited personality perspectives according to our own life circumstances. Amnesia set in and we forgot.

So today, in these times of turbulence, let’s give ourselves a break. Let’s take a moment to remember what Life is really like—pure, natural, curious, full of both pain and joy. To help us remember, I’d like to invite you to experience the true story of a boy, a grandmother, and a magical journey. So, slow your breath down, breathe deeply, and enjoy the ride.

“Love like you’ve never been hurt.”
— A. Koebin

A Boy, a Grandmother, and a Magical Journey

Once upon a time an eight-year-old boy began to think that there might be a God. When his grandmother asked him about this, the boy said, “Well Grammy, I just think there must be something more.”

So, the boy and the grandmother decided to explore. They would be detectives—sort of like a magical Sherlock Holmes. They climbed into a “silocopter” (which is like a helicopter, but it has no sound because it is silence) and they went flying up into the silence:

Grandmother (G): Now let’s be very quiet. We’ll just watch and see what happens. It’s sort of like being a cat that’s waiting for a mouse to come out of a hole—except we don’t know what’s going to come out! There’s just silence. And we wait.

Boy (B): OK. I’m waiting. I don’t see anything yet. Oh, wait a minute. I see a cat. And there’s lots of space. Now there’s a cloud that’s forming. It’s sort of hazy and I think there might be rain in it, but it’s not raining.

G: OK, let’s see what happens.

B: The cloud is changing. Now it’s all white and fluffy. It’s a happy cloud!

G: Hmm, white, fluffy, and happy.

B: Yeah. There is a lot of space around the cloud. And the space goes on forever and ever. Now there’s another cat and he’s smiling. He’s happy.

G: That’s interesting. Let’s wait and see what happens next.

B: Hey, the cat’s disappearing. Now it’s all white and like milky. I feel really, really, good. Oh, now there is something green coming up, like a tiny sprout. Wait, it’s growing and growing and growing. Now it’s bigger than you!

G: Yikes!

B: Here comes a little branch, and more and more branches. And now roots are starting to form too. There’s some black; it’s a funny black; it’s like heavy. And there’s red too.

G: That red feels strong!

B: Yeah, it is. It’s very strong. Oh no. My normal mind is coming up. Multiplication. This is so random. I hate multiplication!

G: That’s OK. Let’s just watch in space and see what happens.

B: Hey it disappeared. It was just a thought. And now there are Ninjas and more Ninjas and cats. What’s with all these Ninja’s and cats? There’s a red cat. You don’t get to see a red cat that often. Now it’s changing again! It’s all black. It’s a really nice black. I can’t really describe it, but I like it. And there’s lots of space too.

G: More space! Wow! This black feels all silky to me—sort of like I’m taking a bath in warm, melted, chocolate.

B: Yeah, and it’s like peaceful, very peaceful. And now I’m waiting. Blank…blank…blank….blank….blank. I’m waiting. Now there’s a different kind of space! It’s clear, really, really clear! And I can see that everything is in me! It’s all inside me!

G: Yes, it is.

B: I can see thoughts and feelings and colors and everything. And it’s all really, really happy.

G: It feels kind of joyous.

B: Yeah, joy! That’s the word! And it’s so peaceful. Wow! I think this is what happens when people meditate.

G: Yes, it is. But we don’t have to sit in funny positions!

B: Wow, now there is nothing here! It’s de-void. Nothing…nothing…nothing. Wait a minute, there’s a picture coming in. There’s a hand and an arm, now another hand and another arm, and more hands coming down. The hands are like holding. It’s so peaceful and content. There are no needs here. It’s just peaceful like you couldn’t believe. I see Mom. She’s smiling, and Dad too, and the three cats. It’s all happy. There is nothing needed.

G: I feel it too. Let’s just rest here.

B: Yeah. Now my normal mind is coming back again. There’s anger. There’s anger and hate and sadness and pain and despair.

G: That’s OK, this space allows it all to come in. Let’s just watch and see what happens.

B: Hey, it all just turned into nothing. Blank… blank … blank. Now there’s light. It’s sort of a white yellow. It’s very bright. It’s gleaming. I see a huge golden throne but there’s no one sitting in it. Up above the throne there’s like a big shining letter coming in. It’s a “G”! And it’s like written in gold—all shiny. Everything is very peaceful.

A long, long silence occurs.

G: Are you there?

B: Yes, but there’s nothing to say.

G: There are no words here.

B: No words.

Long silence again.

G: I’m going to hang up now and leave you with where you are.

B: OK. Thank you so much for showing me how to do this, Grammy. This is what you wanted to talk to me about isn’t it.


This story reveals a capacity with which we all were born, the capacity to set our constricted minds free to wander into our higher intelligence.

The child in this transcript didn’t just happen to discover silence, joy, peace, a wonderful “nothingness”, and a spaciousness in which there “are no words.” He didn’t just happen to see a “huge golden throne” and the letter “G.” What manifested was the result of setting his mind free and allowing it to drift into his higher soul-consciousness.

This genuine unfolding of higher consciousness demonstrates the natural ability we have as humans. This is an ability we can re-discover. We can witness what’s really going on inside of us with open-ended inquiry. We can allow images to come and go without the mind’s engagement. We can witness colors and emotions that spontaneously pop up. We can open to our quantum spaciousness. When we do this, our mind is set free to explore. We come across things that our usual protective mind would judge as weird, unfamiliar, and dismiss. But what if we don’t do this? Well, then the true journey begins.

(Note: In this book, with the help of a compassionate adult reader, Silocopter actually comes alive and has helped children overcome severe depression, painful divorces, and deaths of beloved animals. Good for ages 8-12.)

Clear the gauze: Taste the freedom

“Texture for Layer” by Theresa Thompson | CC BY 2.0

For days and nights, there has been confusion, sleeplessness, and contemplation. What’s going on? There is absolutely no way I can figure this out. I tell myself, “Just stay open and trust, open and trust, open and trust.” Whoa, now the confusion along with thoughts, sounds, tastes, and my wandering mind are reducing, instantly morphing into a dark compacted spot. This concentrated spot is intensely centered, focused, mysterious.

I listen. The area behind my brow is congested, hard and murky. Allow. Just allow. Neural brain processing is working on something. Oh, old congestion is wakening up, vibrating. Old, ragged clothes are shaking themselves out, airing their energy legs. There is both tension and aliveness here. The space behind my nose is vibrating with an alive sound in silence, producing a silky, luxurious, bliss. Now, there is freedom, glorious freedom!

The I of the “I” is absorbing Itself! It’s a streaming creation which is brimming, nourishing, and morphing into completeness.

The freedom is allowing everything to keep moving on. Now, utter relaxation of my body and nervous system sinking into deep relief. From this frequency I notice that I am actually just a concept being absorbed by Beingness. That’s OK. I realize this eternal moment IS IT. This is actually all there is. It can be no other way. There is nowhere else to go. Nothing to do but be in its flow.

The little mind enters again and does its thing, bumbling around and losing its way. Allow, just allow. My little mind fades and then returns, again trying to establish and maintain itself. I’m onto you sister!

Now back again into a deeper, wider, perspective, into the capacity to allow, to leave, and become the future emerging, morphing. There is an exquisite silky lubricating fluid and a luxurious waterfall as all thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations, and emotions keep slip sliding away moment to moment. This is Freedom! Thank you.


This comes from a journal entry that I wrote years ago. It still packs a wallop for me since I am constantly vacillating between my little limited self and the grand existence that I actually am. This is true for us all. So, let us treat ourselves and each other with love and compassion. Let us not forget that we are humans learning to be spiritual, and at the same time, we are spirits learning how to operate a human bio-vehicle. Not an easy task.

Raising your frequency of love

“A few of the ways I love you” by Timothy K. Hamilton | CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

One morning I decided to listen to a Circle of Light (COL) meditation called Raising the Frequency of the Personal and Planetary Love Paradigm in the Temple of the Heart. It took me on a wonderful journey. I would like to give you the opportunity to experience this meditation for yourself and discover where it leads you. It can be fun and instructive at the same time.

I asked the Circle of Light if I could paraphrase this meditation and offer it to you. They answered with an enthusiastic “yes.”

So, in this blog you will find this meditation to experience for yourself. Please keep the following suggestions in mind as you read the Circle of Light’s meditation prompts:

  • Respect any and all words and images that come to you.
  • Take the time to have your own experience. (The actual COL recording is an hour long with plenty of space for silence.)
  • Relax into your body.
  • Read each prompt slowly.
  • Allow each prompt to fill itself out for you.
  • Go inside your body to discover whatever is there. Stay out of your head. (Remember that your higher power knows much more than you.)
  • Observe. Allow yourself to feel into whatever comes up—colors, shapes, images, feelings, sounds.
  • Know that the Circle of Light will guide you. Don’t be shy. The Circle of Light will support you, guaranteed. Whatever comes up for is just right for you at this time in your journey. Trust. You may wish to take notes. (That’s what I often do.) Even if you don’t understand something at the moment, that’s OK. What comes up will trigger your subconscious to explore further in its own way, even beyond this meditation.

The meditation

As I type this, the Circle of Light are inviting you personally to experience this meditation. Here is what the Circle of Light said as it was channeled to me:

The heart reveals where you are holding beliefs that are unhelpful to you. We ask that you go inside yourself. Scan your body to find where you are holding tensions and obstructive beliefs. Go ahead. Take your time. Scan your body and see what you find.

Love and accept all these parts of you. These parts want to be seen, heard, and released.

Now, imagine you are being taken into a healing temple of love which is just for you. Go slowly. See how your temple comes into form. (Notice shapes, colors, configurations, sensations, sounds, whatever arises for you.)

From here you are able to experience deeper love. Notice the energy within your body, within your mind, and throat—within your entire energy field. Take your time to observe, explore. See how it feels.

Imagine that within this temple of love, you find all the ones who have supported your journey, consciously or unconsciously—your higher consciousness, various friends and family members, guides, and those with whom you have explored relationship. Take your time.

What do you experience? Allow yourself to receive the love. If love feels distant, just make it up for now. We are here for you. You are loved. Take your time.

Now, imagine a pool of water washing away and transmuting any energy in the form of scars and wounds from relationships, love, memories, belief structures, traumas or hurt. Again, take you time. Allow. Explore.

As the old gets washed away, allow yourself to feel the love of all those who have supported you. Let it feel good.

Now, imagine all your personal, planetary, and universal templates are dissolving from your being. These templates have rested within your energetic structure for eons. These templates are now being resolved and restored.

Allow yourself to be part of this, your, planetary realm. Allow whatever comes up.

Finally, we invite you to re-align with your own truth as an infinite, powerful human being.

I hope, pray, and believe that each of you will find valuable information as you experiment with this meditation. Each one of us is unique. Please write and let me know what happened for you.

Three ways to release resistance

Abstract Backgrounds by NichoDesign, 800x450
“Abstract Backgrounds” by NichoDesign | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Intro: We talked about resistance in the last blog. We can see how resistance can become an obstacle unless we do something about it. I’ve heard plenty of people say, “It is what it is” or “What happens is meant to be.”

I’ve said these kinds of things myself. Some people may think this means they are actually “surrendering” to life. Unfortunately, the frequency of Life doesn’t work like this. (Remember, wakening up is a participative process.)

In truth, surrendering happens to us when we relax enough to have Life’s frequency take the lead. We humans are not really in control of true surrender. The good news is that at some point on our spiritual path we do start to release our old stuff. This allows new experiences to be discovered and opens us up to our more-expanded self.

So, what are some things we can do to the release old patterns that are inhibiting our unfoldment?

Work: Feel an uncomfortable feeling

Identify exactly where the feeling is located in your body. (This is important. It helps the healing frequency find just the right area in which to work.) Hold your awareness of this feeling as you breathe. Imagine your breath is going in and out through your heart. Breathe in this way for four or five breaths.

Now sense that this uncomfortable feeling is moving out, bit by bit, through your heart. Each time you exhale, breathe a bit more of this feeling out through your heart. Affirming, “I release this feeling.” Do this with each subsequent outbreath.

When you feel ready, breathe in new energy. On each inbreath, affirm, “I receive peace, calm, Grace (or whatever is right for you in the moment). With each outbreath, feel that new feeling spreading throughout your body.

Give yourself time to let this new feeling set in. Now, notice how your uncomfortable feeling has been replaced by a new sense of peace. Congratulations, you’ve done the work!

Note: This exercise has been adapted from one that I learned in the course, 21 Days to Your Higher Power, with Dawson Church.

Sleep: Have an intention

Research shows that when you sleep, your ego mind shuts down. Then your subconscious mind is completely open to release old baggage. So, sleep and dreaming is good, whether you remember your dreams or not. Even when you have crazy dreams, you are releasing old energy that is no longer needed. Research also suggests that falling asleep is a perfect time to imagine your intention, for example, wanting to wake up and be willing to let go of old stuff.

Play: Find your Quantum Creature

One day, while meditating, I was frustrated by my inability to release old energy. Then this fun, hungry, creative creature arrived. Here is what happened:

Whoa, out of the blue, a Quantum Creature arises, a creature that’s awake within me. I can feel it. I watch. This creature is devouring anything and everything old that comes up. Poof. Gone. This quantum energy is enormous, dynamic, compelling, all consuming. Extraordinarily powerful, it’s creating its own space within me. It’s co-creative!

Now, I realize that human and divine energies have combined. They are manifesting, influencing, and creating the reality in this very on-going moment. Amazing.

I just watch as the Quantum Creature devours everything. Wait, now my old mind wants to enter, to intervene. No problem. Slurp. The Quantum Creature just laps it up. Yummy. Old mind-energy is just food meant to be digested, reconstituted, purified, redirected towards the good.

Suddenly, I’m edgy. I want to quit this meditation, move on. (This wanting to move away from my deeper reality is yet another old pattern of mine.) But, the Quantum Creature says, “Ooh, this is a really tasty morsal—so packed with habitual energy. Yes. Bring it on. Go ahead, woman. Bring in more emotions, patterns, and obstacles to be metabolized. I love it.”

Quantum Creature is gobbling up all the old energy. It’s like an alchemical process—converting old crap into gold. The universe is cleansing itself. Yeah!

Takeaway: I pray that you find your own version of divine cleansing. (A friend sent me a picture of her Quantum Creature, which looks very different from the one I’ve posted at the beginning of this blog.) So, go ahead. Explore. Contemplate. Meditate. Let your mind go. See what happens when you open to your own Quantum Creature cleanup frequency. And please, send me a note to let me know what happens.

Where is your resistance hiding?

Total Lunar Eclipse above Washington Monument by NASA
“Total Lunar Eclipse: Dec. 21, 2010” by NASA HQ | CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Most of us have built some kind of stone-like fortress inside, while on a larger scale an entire world is available to explore. (In the image above, note the beautiful eclipse displaying to the right.) But we don’t notice the larger picture. We close ourselves up. We wall ourselves off. In these moments, our world is reduced to only what we see through our beady little eyes or tiny slits of perception. When we do this, it means we are resistant to the actual flow of life’s energy. We don’t want to go beyond what we already know. We want to stay with what is familiar. Subconsciously, we are afraid of our higher selves. Resistance is about avoiding the magnificence of who we really are. But that is problematic because the Circle of Light says,

“You cannot resist yourself if you want to expand yourself.”

And we want to expand ourselves! We want to grow into our most authentic, our most powerful selves. We’re going for the gold! (See my blog post for January 1, 2022.)

We all have resistance

The Circle of Light tells us that “Resistance is a part of human experience…this means it is held in a shape, a form, and it [the energy] resists moving into something else.” Resistance occurs to shake things up a bit. When things aren’t going as we wish, there is variance between what we want to experience and what we are actually experiencing. This causes abrasion and friction. This very discord makes us take notice. It urges us to do something different. It’s like sand in the oyster, causing a pearl.

Noted therapists and teachers use friction in their healing therapies. Jules Taylor Shore says, “There is no way to avoid resistance. It’s just part of being a human. It comes with the territory.”

Dr. Sue Morter agrees:

“Awakening happens through friction…without friction, we can’t gain awareness about which parts of ourselves are still in the dark; we need to be jostled out of our status quo in order to see where we need to redirect and reintegrate our energy. You want to hold onto your old blueprint, but this is operating from old news.”

The Circle of Light says:

“The old blueprint is not who you are. It’s a sham. This is not your true creative power…You came to Earth to create a new experience. Your spirit came to create the shift from 3D to 5D…It’s time to come out of the shadows and let a grander, more encompassing aspect of yourself shine through…You don’t have to tackle the whole thing, just stay open enough to let the mystery come to you.”

Our resistance is a doorway to spiritual growth. The Circle of Light explains, “Resistance is what comes at the exact times that you need to look at your obstacles. It is designed to help you be creative and move on.”

Matt Kahn says the same thing.

“Perception of discomfort, negative feelings, or resistance is one of your fiercest teachers and allies. It is the consciousness of your highest unconscious-self to ensure you gain the necessary depth of experiences to see what you are meant to see at exactly the point you are meant to see it. This experience is meant for you to gain insight and move on to the next level of expansion.”

Dr. Sue says in her book Energy Codes:

“We do have a choice about where our friction occurs: in our inner world at the energy level or in the outer world at the level of story….Shifting your orientation from the mind to the body, from thinking to feeling, from rationalizing to sensing, will initiate a drastic shift in perception.”

The Circle of Light concurs, telling us, “The key is that humans can learn to have [their] resistance work for them.” So, let’s take a look at how resistance actually shows up in our personal lives. Since resistance is designed specifically for us, we need to be able to identify when it is occurring so that we can learn to use our resistance to work for us, rather than limit us. I invite you to consider the following possibilities and decide which aspects of resistance most resonate with you:

Resistance shows up in thoughts and actions

It may show up disguised as a head stuffed with unwanted thoughts or how we obsess about all the things that are wrong in the world. We moan, whine, fret, become disgruntled and voice our dismay over and over again. Resistance occurs when we are in opposition—to ourselves, to others, and Life Itself. This is how we energetically spread our negativity out into the world. Resistance also sneaks in subconsciously. This is when we escape being in the present moment. Maybe we spend lots of time trolling the web, checking our incoming messages, or pigging out on games or TV. All of these behaviors can keep us away from our deeper selves.

Resistance shows up in feelings and re-actions

We find ourselves feeling sad, bored, fearful, ashamed, or irritated, but we ignore these feelings. We just move on. Sometimes this is ok, but actually our feelings want, and need, to be explored if we really want to know who we are. There are times we get emotionally charged. We get triggered, but instead of dealing with our underlying feelings, we re-act once again by retreating, blaming, or becoming antagonistic. This too is a form of resistance which locks us into our old patterns.

Fears, buried from childhood show up unconsciously. Maybe we have a subtle sense that something is wrong, we don’t feel safe, we are all alone, there is no support. I’ll tell you what happened to me the other day: I set off to do errands, driving from place to place. I noticed that each time I got back into the car, I would feel a very subtle fear. Huh? I decided to pay more attention. This fear had been totally unconscious, but in the moment, I was experiencing this fear on an inner, energetic, level. Suddenly a series of painful childhood incidents flashed through my head. I was in a car. I was afraid but had no way to speak or escape. The experience was dreadful. I stayed with it, and then spontaneously, I started to use the infinity eight symbol to clear this old energy. (See my blog post Heart Series #7.) Thankfully, by the time I arrived home, my old fear had been released.

The is an example of how old phantom imprints show up and give us grief. But when we stay with them, we find they are an opportunity to dive more deeply into our truth. Sometimes it takes a courageous heart to explore and discover the message that lays beneath the feeling.

Resistance shows up in the body

When we experience aches, pains, headaches, and sore spots, they are usually signs of unconscious resistance. (This was a hard lesson for me to learn.) When we become tired and listless for no reason, it is also a sign that we are in resistance.

On a more subtle level, resistance physically whispers to us through images, pictures, words, sounds, memories, colors, and various configurations. When we learn to look inside, we will find that resistance comes in an infinite assortment of sizes, shapes, and textures. We may experience resistance internally as thick, thin, brittle, strong, sticky, hot, cold, light, or whatever. We may have subtle inner sensations that are experienced as gauze, burlap, or canvas.

Resistance can descend like a heavy fog. It can block our higher-self and cover up what’s really going on underneath. Resistance can blast out from nowhere, ruining our day and leaving us feeling agitated, depressed, irritated, or confused. Resistance can make our body shake, tremble, spasm, or jerk to release energy that has been trapped inside. Resistance can come as waves of energy, gusts of chi, or bursts of life force that are trying to get our attention, trying to be set free. The heartening thing is, when we attend to our resistance, amazing things can happen.

Enlightening sensations, and intimate understandings, can suddenly pop into our consciousness. This feels awesome, wonderful, and greatly reinforces our trust in the journey. (You will know when this happens.)

Now let’s recap

  • We all have resistance.
  • Resistance is a doorway to spiritual growth.
  • Resistance shows up in innumerable ways—thoughts, actions, feelings, reactions, body sensations. Resistance can whisper to us from our deepest core.

If we pay attention, we will come to realize when, and how, we are experiencing resistance. We will know these are times that we are denying certain parts of our self because we don’t have a full picture of who we really are. So, we get to work on exploring. We want to develop a courageous heart. We want to have the ability to stay with, and learn from, our resistance. We want to be able to stand tall in the face of discomfort. We want to discover how this enhances our life and moves us toward the Truth. Remember:

“You cannot resist yourself if you want to expand yourself. The key is that humans can learn to have resistance work for them.”

Next time let’s talk about how to release our resistance so that we can convert our old energy into new positive energy that works for us and the world.

Make the call: Connect today

“Pipsqueak Star Unleashes Monster Flare” by NASA Goddard Photo and Video | CC BY 2.0

Contact your higher power. Don’t be shy. Make the call. Calling in our higher power works. It doesn’t matter if we’re coming from our usual 3D egoic perspective or we’re flying in our higher 5D dimensions. (See my blog series on Moving from 3D to 5D Dimensions of Reality.) The fact is, we can all make the call. We all have the power to contact our higher selves. It’s just a matter of tuning in to the right frequency. So, let’s take a look at what a few spiritual teachers say about connecting with our higher selves.

Thomas Hubl explains:

Tuning into your higher self is like turning to the correct radio channel. You need to find the correct frequency wave. You may want to listen to 101.3 FM, but if your energy is at 99.6 FM, you’ll just get frustrated because your personal energy system is not wired to your higher frequency. You’re not plugged into the right kind of power outlet, the one that energizes life.

When I was a student of Thomas, he talked about how to go about finding the higher connection:

Developing an inner environment of stillness, coherence, presence, and timelessness is key. You need to learn to listen to the whisper.…You need to develop your inner body competence so your instrument will be attuned.…You need your own silence time to deepen your quality of listening, to listen to your own whisper, your own space and energy, which is movement. For many people, in the beginning, space is a kind of not doing, not filled with meaning. But spaciousness is a truly important inner aspect.…If there is a gap between energy streams it means you need to change what you are doing because prior decisions, karmic circumstances, and how you view life creates how your life looks today.

The Circle of Light agrees. They explain that we are actually “masters of consciousness.” We are creating our own world according to our own perceptions. The Circle says:

Clean out old concepts, beliefs, and material.…Get in touch with your love of self, your true self…the vibrational frequencies that you are putting out resonate on that level and draw that kind of loving experience into your life.…Get yourself into a good place. Do the visualizations, imagine, see what you desire. Feel into it. Work with your brain chemistry. Work with shifting what is emanating from your being with creative thoughts and designs. Feel the emotional energy.…One action from an inspired place is far more powerful than a hundred actions from a fear-based place…then wait and take the action that is inspired.…You will know when you are supposed to act because you are allowing your higher power to emerge.

Dr. Sue Morter echoes the perspective that we are our own “life’s creator, consciously manifesting what we believe….We are integrated, multidimensional beings made of pure energy…the degree to which we know this truth about ourselves, is the degree to which we live either in pain or bliss.” Dr. Sue gives us both hope and a method to change our life through a grounded chakra-body-breath perspective. In her book Energy Codes she says:

Everything is energy….When we start to identify as an energy being, we start to see everything differently….Energy is malleable and changeable, which means we can change how we live….Instead of operating as if life is happening to us, we can learn to transcend our primitive brain….We don’t have to keep getting stuck operating as a fear-based, problem solving, surviving presence that is just trying to make do and get by….We can rise up to our higher brain and become our truest selves…We can learn to operate from a place of creativity and genius….We are designed to be much more. We are designed to be pure intelligent energy—blazing and alive. Most people don’t know about the connection, how it works, how we can learn to experience life in an exalted, specific, and orderly way.

The Energy Code practices are laid out to show us how we can attain and live from our higher power. These practices teach us how to build our electromagnetic and neurological circuits so we can cut a pathway through our energetic areas which have developed gaps or are blocked. Dr. Sue explains that:

When we do the work to re-train our nervous systems, we start to be stimulated in a more balanced and natural fashion…we start to shift from sensing that ‘something is wrong, something is not right’ to deeply knowing that all is well….We are OK…Life is here to support us.…We can actually live as this reality, reliably and consistently throughout our daily waking, walking lives.

Pretty neat, huh? So, why not wire up. Let’s go ahead and learn what we need to do in our own unique way. After all, from the deepest, highest, quantum frequency, the higher power is here for us.

Dawson Church also gives us hope and yet another method to connect in his course 21 Days to Higher Power. He says:

In some of the retreats I’ve taught, we’ve measured people’s brain waves before and after the retreat. In just seven days, they acquire the same brain-wave patterns as adepts who’ve spent 10,000 hours in meditation. That’s the advantage of a science-based approach. It’s really all up to you. You can ignore your HP and focus on other things. You have the option of choosing ignorance, drama, misery, stress, negative thinking, pessimism, depression, anxiety, and all the other items on the menu of normal human thinking or you can connect with your HP.

Church says:

Even though you don’t know what vibration levels are or to which one you might ascend, your Higher Power does. Simply ask, ‘Higher Power, lift my consciousness to the highest possible vibrational level.’ When you’re in elevated states, this request enables your Higher Power to bring you to even higher states of consciousness. When you’re struggling with negative emotion, you may not be able to achieve an elevated state, but this request at least opens the possibility of being lifted above where you are. This request signals your Higher Power that you are willing to move as high up the vibrational ladder as you possibly can. That’s why it’s the perfect petition for every stage of the path.

Well, this feels like a good place to wrap up this exploration of connecting with our higher power. We’ve just scratched the surface. There are so many teachers and methods and practices. We’ve only looked at four. I guess what’s best is to keep our hearts and minds open and follow the guidance that resonates with us. The connection to our higher power is important. Oh, wait a moment, I just got a download. This connection is who we are! Nothing is more important. A connection to our higher power is a connection not only to ourselves, but to humanity, and to the One Field that we are. So, let’s do it. Let’s do the work. Let’s find our way to connect consciously in an on-going way.

Oh, I just got another download. I’m going to do the Heart Protocol exercise Heart Series #8 and ask the heart questions for us all. Here goes…

My heart, my heart, what do you want us to know right now?

Answer that came for us: You are loved. You add to the world.

My heart, my heart, what do you need from us right now?

Answer that came for us: Dedication, commitment, trust, and love.

My heart, my heart, what do you wish for humanity now?

Answer that came for us: Yes, dear ones, we wish you to have the intention to wake up. Listen. Watch. Be diligent. Focus on the light inside of you. We will meet you there. This light is for you to be free, to see, to play, and Be. You are a child of Life, of God, of Beingness—whatever you chose to call it. Go ahead. Just Be. No analysis, no judgement required. Just you, naked as the Light of Life. Take the risk. Continue to move towards being who you really are. Ask for us. We are here. We bless you and your race. You are courageous.

Poem by Rumi on the theme of leaving the window open

The Guest House

​This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

​Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

​The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

​Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

​Source: “Rumi: Selected Poems” by Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks (Penguin Classics, 2004)

Waking up is a participatory sport

“Starry ceiling – Spiritual Center” by UMHealthSystem | CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

How do we climb out of our egoic boxes and move through our doorway of consciousness?

Waking up is a participatory sport. If we just have the idea of advancing on our path, not much will happen. We all know people who live their entire lives without once giving a thought to higher dimensions, oblivious to who they really are and what their life could be. Very few people pay any attention to their higher powers. That’s sad because everyone on the planet has their own higher frequency and has access to that essential power. The truth is that our higher power knows who we are and is already sending us signals.

We already have access. As the Circle of Light says:

Every day your spiritual wisdom is unfolding. What you’ve attained through millions of lifetimes in all dimensions, all realms, is available for you to draw upon if you allow. Become the superhuman you were meant to be. Become aware viscerally of who you are. You are so much more than the person you created to play in this game of life. You are infinite Intelligence and Creativity.

Dawson Church adds:

You don’t need to know anything about higher vibrations. Leave it up to your Higher Power. (You are still waking up even when you don’t understand.) Your Higher Power isn’t physical and lives only at the level of energy, consciousness, and vibration. It’s the expert in this field. You don’t have to understand it. You don’t have to know what a high vibrational state is. You simply ask Higher Power to bring you to the highest possible vibrational level and trust it to do the work.

How do we actually participate in our waking up?

But how do we climb through the doorway of our consciousness in a conscious manner?

I have found that participation is key. It actually happens on multiple levels, and various frequencies. It can be a bit tricky to catch. So, let’s see if we can make the process of participation a bit more transparent.

First of all, the various frequencies and stages of conscious participation will swirl and circle around. They will intertwine and combine. Our insights will twist and turn. Our awareness and breakthroughs will not necessarily be sequential. We may have a new egoic or spiritual insight at any moment, and then have that same kind of “knowing” arise later on, but in a very different frequency—often at a more intense, profound level. What makes the process of participation perplexing is that we are participating both knowingly and unknowingly. Let’s take a look at the process of participation. Every one of us is unique. Each of us is on our own unique journey. So, as we examine the various ways we can participate, be on the lookout for what resonates for you.

Moving towards something: At times, we may feel that we are moving towards something, not even knowing what that something is. We may find ourselves drawn to a certain book. A certain passage might excite us, light us up. A certain teaching or teacher may attract us. When I was in college many years ago, I loved reading the Bagavad Gita, but had no idea why. Sometimes a certain course, or teacher, may pop up on our computer screen. Somehow, we are drawn to it. I remember when I first heard Thomas Hübl speak on my computer, I felt that my words were coming out of his mouth. I was hooked. It turned out that he was the perfect teacher for me at the time. He helped me immensely. Another time I signed up for a computer course in sacred readings with Suzanne Giesemann. I had no idea why. I didn’t even believe in readings! But it turned out that going beyond the physical dimension set me on fire. Now I do spiritual readings for people around the world. So, be on the lookout for what attracts you. The amazing thing is we don’t have to understand why. We may never understand, but this process of moving towards something is waking us up.

Climbing out: There comes a time in our journey when we’re sick and tired of the same old, same old. We want to climb out of our usual perspective. We want to move beyond our repetitive thoughts and behaviors. We realize that our familiar self is actually limiting us. We want more. But our conditioned egoic mind wants us to stay in the same old framework because that’s where it feels familiar.

When we get to the point that we really want out, we will pay more attention to our every day beliefs, habits, and patterns of behavior. We will knowingly participate. We have an intention to climb. We have anintention to do the work. As Thomas Hübl says, “we want to start living on a different highway.” And heads up, when we do wander outside our familiar selves, it will feel uncomfortable. We can feel lost, overwhelmed, bewildered. And this can happen at any point in our journey.

Climbing out of our ego trap takes trust, commitment, and dedication. (I’m still watching and climbing out of my ego-self on a day-by-day basis.) This is when it’s good to remember that our higher power is more Intelligent than our physical, analyzing, mind. Our higher power knows how to move us. It will guide us. It wants us to ask and allow. Even though it takes effort and attention to climb out, going beyond the usual is well worth the effort.

Feeling the pull: As we climb out, we will still feel the pull, but it begins to be at a deeper level. Now we want to discover our higher power, a higher order of love beyond ego. We want to be part of the ongoing movement to help the human race move forward with compassion and connectiveness. (See my blog series Moving from 3D to 5D Dimensions of Reality.) We somehow know that living from the higher frequencies will be an entirely different way to experience life. We understand that, as a global society, we are still consciously and unconsciously limited by the template that has been passed down through thousands of years of human experience. And our pull moves us forward into…

Moving with something: At yet another level of participation, we find that we are magically moving with something, even though we may still not know what that something is. (And remember, we don’t have to know because our higher power always knows.) When we feel we are moving with something, it means we are breaking through our current spiritual ceiling. This occurrence is an inside job. We are actually co-creating with our higher power, even though we may not yet see it that way.

Thomas Hübl often says that we need to learn to “listen to the whisper.” We need to attune to the subtle information that is already coming in from our higher dimensions, from our higher power. Dawson Church explains,

Your Higher Power lives at a high vibrational level. That’s the level of love, peace, joy, and complete enlightenment. Higher Power reaches down to connect with you, but because it isn’t physical, it can’t get all the way down to the human level. That’s why you have to lift your vibrational level to at least some degree. You then get high enough to meet and connect.

We can cultivate a relationship with our higher power. It’s here with us right now. So why not take the time? As the Circle of Light says, “Allow your own personal secret to unlock within you. Imagine with each breath that you are drawing in another aspect of your Wisdom.” When we do the work of meditating, paying attention, contemplating, and staying present, we raise our vibrational level. When this happens, we are given gifts that go far beyond our wildest imaginations. We discover there is no separation between ourselves and the quantum energy realms. We experience multi-dimensional frequencies. We may slip into past lives. We may experience becoming one with our guides, our ancestors, and humanity in general. We enter the infinite world of possibility.

Breaking through our usual level of consciousness can bring awe, magnificence, and power. It can also bring a fear of the unknown, and a feeling of destabilization. As we move into the higher dimensions, we need time to integrate. Eckhart Tolle talks about experiencing a tremendous amount of emotional pain, asking God for help, and instantly breaking through into an entirely new Reality. After the breakthrough, he sat on a park bench for two years to adjust. We all need a little time to adjust to the ups and downs of waking up.

There comes a point in our journey when challenges have very little to do with our childhoods, or personal issues, even though we still see repeating patterns that seem restrictive and outdated. But when we really start to experience the Wonder of Life, we are entering the realm of multi-dimensional, consensual reality. In this way we start living in the joy of the heart-center. We begin to radiate joy out into the expansive Reality of Existence.

Moving as: If we choose to continue to expand our doorway of consciousness, we will inevitably stumble into unchartered territory that propels us into bliss, robs us entirely of our identity, burns up our personal stories and occasionally hurls us into periods of disorientation and uncertainty. We will still say “yes,” as we continue to move towards, and with, but now will we find ourselves occasionally existing in an entirely new way. We will feel the physical world in a new way. It will appear to be quite transparent as we perceive through the higher, lighter, frequencies. We will glimpse the world as the Magical Plan of illusion, all while our feet are solidly on the ground. We are Life expanding.

A hand reaches up for a blue cup in the cabinet. A being-form, called Barbara, exists as the entire universe. This is both exhilarating and discombobulating. Remember, the Circle of Light tells us, “Trust that your expanded consciousness is your light body…Your super consciousness already understands these processes and is using them in your Creativity.” Wow!

Heart series #10: Alignment

“Every Now and Then the Stars Align” by Thomas Hawk | CC BY-NC 2.0

This post is #10 in the blog series: Heart. See the series overview page for a list of all posts.

Heart Series recap

We began this Heart Series to help us move toward our fullest, most fruitful, most joyous life. The mysteries and capabilities of the heart become a direct route to discovering the profundity of who we really are. So, we set out to review and unravel the Heart’s amazing abilities and revelations.

We considered the quantum field of physics. We looked at the work of various researchers. We discovered that love, the heart, has everything to do with who we are and how we behave. If it were not for love, we would not exist. Love is the gold standard of Life. Love is at the very heart of everything.

We looked at our wounded hearts, at how we by-pass our hearts through thoughts, feelings, and unconscious beliefs. We inventoried our wounded hearts. We discovered the gifts of human experience, exploration of unconscious beliefs, and ways to use feelings to expand the understanding of life.

We looked how we can learn to trust the universe and accept all parts of ourselves. We tried out important heart exercises like, Take Everything to the Heart and the Personal Heart Dialogue. We examined layers and levels of self-love, all the way to radical Self Love. Now, we’ll end this heart-felt series by taking a look at the most important heart-space of all—the space of total, balanced, Alignment.


We often find ourselves being drawn to certain things. But in the end, the Circle of Light tells us, “Life is quite simple.” To demonstrate what I mean, I’d like to share the alignment I witnessed back in 2005 as I was walking high up in the Colorado mountains:

Awareness arises as vacancy, total no-thing-ness
Slowly … divine … qualities … become … noticed
Love … Joy … Peace … Comfort
Basic Reality comes into being

Worldly physical appearance shines through
Clothed in a gentle sheath of love
Projecting Itself through the gift of form
For humankind to see and understand

There are no words to describe, express or explain
Only when directly experienced is energy of the Heart
Able to Communicate Its Wisdom to humankind
Pure, simple, unadulterated

Within our bubble of projection
Lies the phenomenal world
Filled with thinking, feeling, sensation
Products of the divine ego mechanism
Meant to provide tools for horizontal functioning
And gateways for traversing the vertical domains

The Totality of Functioning shines forth
Through Pure Heart Awareness
Simple Being, Aligned, in Balance
It is, I Am, this total divine morphing
This one constantly changing eternal moment
Undulating, gestating, ”doing its thing”
When simple Awareness pervades
All is One Benevolent Movement

So, how do we humans come to experience more and more of such simple life dimensions?

From a down-to-earth brain science perspective, Jules Taylor Shore tells us:

“Integration is key. When we have integration, we are more flexible, adaptive, coherent, energized, and stable. When we are in the information flow pathways of the brain…we end up with harmony, like in a choir.”

From a higher dimension, the Circle of Light says:

“In truth, the most powerful thing is you want to have the whole system be in balance. You want to bring the high frequencies down into Earth consciousness….if you don’t have the grounding, you can’t maintain the balance of holding the high vibrational frequencies in such a way that they are able to be experienced in the Earth plane dimension….Invite the wisdom and the energy of the Earth to come into your energetic field. This will bring balance into your energy field so that you can hold a perfect balance between being human and being spirit. This is the best way to enjoy your life experience.”

I guess in the end, Life is all about aligning with our hearts, balanced with the universe. Carry water. Chop wood. Drive car. Watch sunset. Live life to the fullest.

Heart series #9: Self Love

“Infinity Erupts” by FotoGrazio | CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

This post is #9 in the blog series: Heart. See the series overview page for a list of all posts.

Intro: We want to explore another area of the heart. We want to learn about self-love. We want to move into self-love. This is where we love ourselves fully. This is where we are able to live with authenticity, integrity, and joy. So, I’m going to dive into the concept of self-love, having no idea of what I’ll find. If you are ready for an adventure, please come with me. Let’s explore.

Lack of self-love

One morning I happened to listen to an online video about Living a Miraculous Life presented by Marci Shimaff and Dr. Sue Morter. They declared, “You must know and own your own miracles. You are worthy, you deserve it.” Everything was going along nicely until they asked a few questions about self-love. “Do you feel uncomfortable when people give you complements? When you get a gift, do you feel you have to give back? Do you play down your achievements?” Well, in horror, I flunked all of these questions.

Just the day before, a neighbor left a beautiful gift basket outside our door. It was gorgeous, filled with edible goodies. I said in a panic, “But we hardly ever speak with this neighbor and don’t really know her.” While the rest of the family was admiring and unwrapping all the goodies, I was in a dither about how to pay her back. Then I remembered how uncomfortable I am when people give me compliments. I usually try to deflect or change the subject. I realized I don’t know how to receive! I also know that self-love is not selfish, like my mother would claim. All of this thinking got me really wondering about self-love, so I decided to listen to a recording by the Circle of Light titled The Importance of Self Love.

Lessons from on high

The Circle of Light, a collection of light beings channeled by Georgia Jean, say they “cannot overstate the importance of self-love.” This was discouraging as I had just flunked the miraculous life self-love test and had concluded that I really didn’t have much love for myself. I continued to listen:

“Self-love is a very important aspect in your life and in the universe…. You need self-love. Your heart must feel worthy in order to bring what you desire into the world.”

Yikes, I really have to get on top of this self-love thing. But something seems amiss. Many things in my life have come through—a loving husband, a supportive family and friends, fantastic inquiry partners. I have a nice home and enough resources to be secure. My spiritual guides have led me to write a book and continue to guide me in writing these blog posts. So, why do I have the nagging feeling that I really don’t love myself?

I keep listening, “Self-love exists throughout every level and layer of your being.” Now this is interesting. Maybe there’s hope. Maybe my self-love exists in layers, or ways in which I’m not yet aware. Maybe when I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off when a neighbor dropped off a gift, I was just experiencing a lack of self-love because of my social conditioning. I was operating out of my egoic frequency. At other levels I might have handled the gift situation with calmness and grace.

The Circle of Light, which does exist in a higher dimension, explains that we humans have “a deep programing of not being valued.” This programing is “left over from old survival blueprints which are no longer needed.” This deep programing is fertile ground for thought as we contemplate how we do, or don’t, experience self-love. Note: To learn more about different frequencies and the old survival blueprint, please read the 3D-5D series.

I continue to listen to The Importance of Self Love.

“Humans get confused because they continue to experience stressful, or disturbing events, even when they think they are putting positive intentions out into the world. Humans don’t want to continue to experience distress. They prefer positive feelings. [But the Circle explains that life works in other ways. It operates according to different dimensions.] When humans label things as good or bad, these are simply attempts of your deeper self to draw attention to its experience….We want you to know that we are working to bring the unconscious aspects of yourself to the surface so that you can have more awareness of what you are actually putting out into the world.

“You may consciously say ‘I love myself’ but not really mean it, or experience love only on certain levels…When ‘negative’ things occur like anger or sadness or depression, it is a message from a higher dimension of you that wants you to be curious.

“Self-love is what fuels the flames of creativity….The creative experience comes from all vibrational frequencies that you are putting out. You are Creative beings….If you can allow yourself to get out of the way of receiving, and allow what arises to come into form, then you are able to push the vanguard of what is going on in the world.”

Hearing this, I say to myself, “Take a look, risk a bit, learn something new.’” And then guess what happens.

Self-love gets buried

That very same evening, I watched a movie “The Lost Daughter” with two men who at first made fun of the film, believing that nothing was really happening. This incident got me extremely upset. To discover why this happened I explored the incident in my journal the next morning.

Journal entry: Shame surfaces. I really laid into my husband last night when the movie ended. In retrospect I was unconsciously dumping tons of shame that I had accumulated about being a female. The way he had responded to the movie made me feel that he was naive, clueless, unaffected, and could care less about the interior workings of others. This I experienced as an affront to me and all women. It took me until this morning to ferret out why this incident triggered me so. (It’s a good thing I have a gentle, forgiving, and patient husband.)

This is what I’m remembering now. Growing up, society taught me that being a female was of less worth. My father used to say “pretty good for a girl.” Ha. Ha. But it was not funny; it felt like a put down. The day I passed my doctoral exam, feeling wonderful and walking across the college green, a local young teenage boy made a sexual remark to me, just because he could. While teaching on the college level, it quickly became clear that women did not receive tenure, even though they had published more than the men. When I received my doctorate, my father warned me not to get too far ahead of my husband. And on and on memory went—bringing up thousands of old messages which flooded in and taught me that women were devalued and degraded in our society. OK, I know I am on a rant and can’t seem to not stop myself. This memory stream is not coming from a dimension of self-love. On second thought maybe this experience is coming from a higher level, in order to get me to learn something new.

Self-love comes in through feelings

When I was railing at my poor husband, I hadn’t realized that my rant was due to shame. So, I go to my “feelings bible,” which is Karla McLaren’s book, The Language of Emotions: What your feelings are trying to tell you. I look up shame on page 197. Shame is about restoring integrity. One of the “gifts” of shame is self respect. I hadn’t been aware that I had been feeing shame about being a woman. This personal shame had been deeply hidden. Many times, during my life I had responded to incidents with anger, or hurt, but did not realize that I carried a burden of shame. Now it was time to look even more deeply into self-love.

Self-love comes through community

I remember a few times in my life where I did feel deeply loved and accepted. One time was when I traveled to surprise a friend for her birthday. We had known each other from the age of four. I had always felt welcomed by her warm and rowdy family. When I arrived at the party unexpectedly, l could hear voices excitedly whispering, “Barb’s here. Barb’s here.” I had never felt more welcomed in my life.

Another memory comes from an experience with my “5 Around” group. We’d been meeting for years. We started as a group of professional women, quite uncommon at the time, comparing notes and drawing up our organizations’ charts. Yet quickly we were having sleepover retreats and staying up until 2:00 AM telling dirty jokes. When there was a moment in my life where I felt completely at sea, I called the group. They quickly assembled, from meetings and hikes in the woods, to come to my rescue. I could feel their love and genuine support coming toward me. In retrospect, I suspect this incoming love was coming from an unfamiliar level. It was coming from a higher dimension. As I allowed this love-frequency to flow through me, my old egoic cocoon was stripped away. Accepting love from others definitely feels like a form of self-love.

Recently, while meeting online with my Quantum Power group, I experienced still another form of self-love. This love was of the nature of the collective. While sharing space on Zoom, we found ourselves deposited in a simultaneous Field of Love. No words spoken, there was no need, and yet we all understood there was a loving kind of communication going on among us. Somehow, we were united in a wonderous loving frequency—buzzing with gentle energy. A higher collective dimension was presenting Itself to us. This amazing, no-word dimension transported us all. In retrospect, I realize this is yet another way to experience self- love, a love which includes the most personal individual self while embracing the gigantic love of the field that just IS.

Radical self-love comes through

It’s three o’clock in the morning and I’m writing about self-love. What the heck! Something is coming up. There is an urge to receive. But what message is so important that it drives me out of bed in the middle of the night?

As I sense into my body, I observe some kind of split going on. One part of me is floating aimlessly around, feeling lost and alone. There is a sense of not being lovable or deserving. These are old beliefs, acquired early on. Yet, they are still alive, living in an unconscious reservoir deep inside me. At the same time, I’m experiencing a deep inner sense of not being separate, of belonging, the kind of deep love and devotion that I experienced with my Quantum Power group.

Wait, how is it that I can feel that I’m not lovable, or deserving, on one hand, and at the same time, know deep down that this is not true? These understandings are in conflict. They don’t mesh.

On one side, I see when my unconscious reservoir gets triggered, I have no stable self. I feel lost, alone, separate, and unloved. There is no support. This frequency leads me to a lack of trust, a lack of self-love.

On the other side, no, wait, what I’m experiencing at this moment is not another side. This frequency is the whole thing! It’s expansive, all-encompassing. Radical. Whoa, this is radical self-love! There’s a sense of belonging, really being welcomed, a sense of truly being at home, with my higher power and my self. I see that I am part of everything. I am part of everyone, I am part of each one of you. I am One with Source Itself.

This is what radical Self Love is all about. Thank you, for getting me up in the middle of the night, for giving me this wonderful lesson. Now, I’m going to take my radical self-love back to bed, but don’t worry, I realize there is still so much I don’t know about self-love.